Zihuatanejo

"You remember the name of the town, don't you?"

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Location: Phoenix, Arizona

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I Pass Judgement

I haven't posted in awhile because I've been busy pretending to be an adult. I seem to have a manic desire to make something of myself. It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm limping into my third decade.

But tonight I am basking in my apparent ability to install a functional wireless router in my apartment. I am all that is man...

I am enjoying my new found freedom more than you even want to know. I'm mobile bitches! I can blog from the couch. I can blog from bed. I can blog from the shitter if I so choose.

I decided to check in on Filan's blog to catch up on all the goings on in rural Iowa and was absolutely blown away by her April 12th post. I don't even know where to begin. When I finished reading the post I continued to the comments. When I saw the words "Doc Love" I stopped breathing for a good three minutes. I have had a real problem with Whatta ridiculing my blog and the thought of him being a jackass on my friend's site and knowing that I would be responsible for unleashing him on her made me sick.

I didn't post a comment for two reasons. First, that post was obviously an opening of the emotional flood gates. I've always admired her ability to write candidly about her personal life. She's had a rough time of it lately and part of me just wanted to give her a big hug. She's good people and I sincerely hope everything works out for her. The other reason is that while I do have opinions about her dating posts, the truth of the matter is it's none of my business. The only thing that my commenting on that stuff would accomplish is making evrybody uncomfortable.

I have to say that I wish Whatta had not posted comments on her site. I also think that he was absolutely correct. No guy invites a girl to meet his mother if she's just someone he's hanging out with. Ever. Whether you've had the talk or not he's thinking about you as a girlfriend. Ladies, If you don't want to be his girlfriend; don't agree to meet his mother. The doc was also right when he said that she would not be having multiple hour make out sessions with another guy if she was really into SP. When you really care about someone you just don't do that. Here's the best I can explain my thoughts on this...

You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can choose to date multiple people enjoying what each has to offer and avoid having a relationship and that's fine. Everyone's entitled to have their fun. You can also choose to seek an emotional connection with another person; to understand them on a deeper level and reveal your true self to them. You just can't do both simultaneously. That's how people get hurt.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Brain melt...

I've been trying to learn networking from scratch. I get in early (7am) and go over my notes from the previous day's training. Then it's training class from 8am until 5:30 or 6:00pm with a 1 hr. lunch. Then I go home. I have been spending my commutes listening to The Davinci Code audiobook. I eat something from a sack in front of the tv (My extended sports package on my cable allows me to watch local college baseball broadcasts from all over the country). Then I study for another hour or two and go to bed. I start all over again every morning at 5:45am.

I have a head ache from staring at a computer screen for 12 hours a day. My brain is oozing words like egress capacity, terabytes, and routing protocol. The truth is that my previous job had ceased to stimulate my brain in any way. The new one has been like a shot in the arm because I'm learning all about something I previously knew little about. I feel like the people I work for are scary smart, something I never experienced at my previous job.

The next part is actually performing and that gives me that little burning self doubt in the pit of my stomach. So, I douse that burning with a concoction of water, barley, and hopps...just kidding. I'm taking a deep breath, trying to have some faith, and every time I don't want to work/study I tell myself that I need to do this.

Friday, April 07, 2006

I Can't Think of a Title

I haven't posted in awhile partly because I have been busy with my new job, partly because I have been trying to decide what kind of things I should refrain from posting, and partly because that's what happens when I get out of the habit of doing something as a routine. I don't want to stop blogging. I certainly don't want to stop blogging because some dickhead in Minnesota hurt my feelings.

I've thought about narrowing the focus of this space so that I'm only writing about movies and books (Currently reading Game of Shadows about Bonds and the BALCO scandal and listening to The Davinci Code on audiobook. Enjoying both.). I thought about just posting commentary about current events; sort of an opinion column where I weigh in on illegal immigration, the popularity of Brokeback Mountain, and the like. Basically I've been wondering if I can still write anything interesting without referencing my personal life. I don't know. I'm not sure it would hold my interest and I'm quite sure that it wouldn't hold anybody else's.


As for me; I'm trying to immerse myself in my new job. I think I'm at a company that is really going to do some amazing things. It's all very new and exciting. It could also end up being incredibly lucrative.


In the words of my beloved father, "I might just have backed my ass into a tub of butter."

The caveat is that I will need to work harder than I probably ever have before and force myself out of my comfort zone. I'm trying to convince myself that if I do this 100% I will be successful and it won't be a decision that comes back to bite me in the ass. I need to prove to myself that I can get to the next level. The difference between being jovial and competent and being successful. I think this is an opportunity for me to accomplish that. To prove to myself that I'm as smart and talented as I tell people I am.