With friends like these who needs enemies?

It appears that PZ has located my blog and forwarded the link to God knows how many people. What I thought was my first posted comment by someone I don’t know turned out to be my buddy Whatta chiming in from Minnesota. Whatta registered with blogger and created a blog whose only purpose is to mock my site. I was undecided about to whom I would reveal my site because I don’t want this to degenerate into a forum where my friends and I take pot shots at one another. That’s what poker games and fantasy league message boards are for.

That having been said; Whatta opened the door with his site. Also, the guy is a walking, talking comedy goldmine. So, in the interest of having everybody get to know each other here is my first ever Reader Profile.

Whatta
Minneapolis, MN
Ethnicity: Hispanic
Height: 5’3”
Weight: 195lbs
Hair: sporadic
Eyes: glazed

Whatta has been a friend of mine since elementary school. We grew up together. We played baseball against each other from little league through high school. We drank and got into trouble in high school and were roommates for a time after college. I introduced him to his wife. He has since moved to Minneapolis and is working as an insurance salesman and supplementing his income as a mariachi singer at a Mexican restaurant.

Some interesting facts about the Whattaman..

He got his nickname because he visited a Whattaburger restaurant thrice daily for an entire semester while pursuing a General Studies degree at Guadalupe Technical Institute (aka. The University of Arizona).

He is the inventor of the Vodkafina®. A method of drinking vodka from an Aquafina bottle while in public/at work.

He was the real life inspiration for Vince Vaughn’s “Double Down Trent” character in the 1996 smash hit Swingers.

I once suffered a laughter induced hernia upon discovering lifts in his shoes while we were roommates.

He once responded to a job interviewer’s query about his five year plan with, “I’m still going to be single and I’m going to buy a camarro.”
Editor’s note: He got the job.

He is a charter member of The Random Ill-Advised Drunken Comment Hall of Fame (RIADCHOF). Whatta was enshrined as part of the inaugural class of ’99 along with Courtney Love and the incomparable Tara Reid. He was a lock to be a first ballot inductee with credentials like these:

Standing on a chair in a packed bar…
“Ladies! I’m just a great lookin’ guy who’s lookin’ to hammer!”

Following a gold medal worthy ogling of a young lady…
Tough guy boyfriend of young lady: “What the hell are you looking at?”
Whatta: “Your bitch.”

My buddy Stoner: “Don’t talk about her like that man, she’s a good girl.”
Whatta: “Dude! I wanna stick it in her butt. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

Whatta, meet the internet. Internet, this is Whatta. I will post additional reader profiles as warranted.