My Side of the Story.

I am a loyal friend and a good listener. This is my curse.
At my previous place of employment I sat next to an older woman whom I'll call Teri. Teri was one of the top performers in our department every month, but she was older than the rest of the team and thus didn't bond with our group of lunch eating, happy houring, inter-office romance having crew.

Due to my proximity to her desk and my personable nature I got to know her better than most. She took this as an invitation to tell me, in great detail, all about her deadbeat ex-husband and her cheating current husband, the intricacies of the offense of her kids' pee wee football team, and her issues with management (This we had in common). She had a habit of using me to invite herself to lunches and happy hours at which others didn't want her; always putting me in an awkward position.

At one point she aked me to car pool with her and I accepted because I didn't live close to work and I was putting $75 in my gas tank every time I fill up. That gave her more time each day to talk at me about her failing marriage. The woman's life was coming apart and I was sympathetic. I gave her an ear. Then she invited me to come see one of her kid's football games on a Saturday. I missed a couple, but she wouldn't let it go. Finally, I went.

Around this time I quit my job and didn't hear from her until last week. She got my email address from my buddy Funky D who still works there. She sent me an email. I didn't respond. She has my cell number from when we car pooled, so she called me and gave me the standard psycho woman's greeting, "What, you don't respond to emails!?"
She talked me into meeting her for some margs after work on Friday because I didn't have the stones to say no. From 6 to 8 PM I drank margs and ate some kind of skewered chicken while she told me all about how her divorce was finalized, she had lost 75 lbs during the divorce because she wasn't eating or sleeping, and my former place of employment sucks even worse than when I left. I got the impression she wanted me to tell her that she looked great, but I'm not going to encourage eating disorders, so I completely ignored the wieght loss. She knows I love baseball so she asked me if I would want to go to a D-Backs game if she got tickets. I shrugged.

NOW...
I'm getting calls from several of my friends still working in Dante's inferno telling me that Teri has made comments suggesting that we are seeing each other. I also got another email from her entitled "Pudge Pudgard urgent please read and respond" that included nothing urgent but it did have these beauties..
"Now don't be a but and not answer my email other wise I am going to have to open a can of Whoop A$$ if you get my drift dude. And you don't want Teri opening a can of that now do you..???"

"However being that I lost allot of weight due to the divorce I had a few (karate) instructors trying to hit on me and I don't mean punches.. get my drift.. Yeah I knew you could. It was nice even though it wont go anywhere. Especially after what I went through, a women sometimes needs to hear some nice compliments about herself to remind her she still has sexappeal.. You understand what I mean right?"

"Hope your event with your family went well. Your such a family guy Pudge. that's so cool."

"Well let me know about the baseball dude and give me a call anytime you have my numbers and if you are a stranger I will come after you.. just kidding.. Well don't forget to email me back about baseball okay?? talk to you later dude.. "

This is why I hope to some day have a son. So that he may benefit from my experiences. I will tell him at a young age that being a nice guy, while noble in theory, is counter productive. It is much better to call out crazy as soon as it is identified. A well timed, "Step off crazy bitch!" can be the best strategy. Then I will send him out into the world to prosper.